How Do You Feel About Gifts?
I love getting gifts, especially when they’re unexpected. I love getting gifts even more when they’re unexpected and they’re things I want. Knowing that you’re going to get something that you don’t want is clearly dismal and disappointing, like malaria. Explaining the permutations is best achieved using that ubiquitous old consulting technique: the two-by-two matrix. Many a problem has been misinterpreted, over-simplified and completely avoided by merely using a two-by-two matrix.
The Gift Two-by-two Matrix
The two-by-two matrix is fairly self-explanatory, but for the purposes of increased billing, the management consultant must explain the obvious. Thus… we all know how bankers, especially of the investment kind, expect those highly desirable bonuses, even if they’ve actually destroyed wealth (refer to global credit crunch). Management consultants on the other hand, desire large bonuses from clients but don’t expect to get them because they’ve already factored them into their hourly rates. We all expect a desk calendar at the end of the year, but who really gives a toss? The last quadrant is a little more difficult to explain: you don’t expect to get it and you don’t give a toss. The best example of this that I recently received is a “How Are You Feeling?” chart that’s meant to allow you to specify your current stress level. Based on your selection, you can then choose to call the Employee Assistance Program. Why you’d want one of these, I have no idea. You should be working, not contemplating how you’re feeling! The chart does have a tone of pessimism as there are nine negative emotions and only three positive ones to choose from!
I raise the issue of receiving gifts because I mentioned quite clearly in one of my recent posts “Extreme Makeover: Cubicle Edition” that I would like a pot plant for my cubicle that I would name John Kenneth Galbraith. A very simple request, I thought. One that’s very difficult to misinterpret. John Kenneth Galbraith might be easy to misinterpret, but not a pot plant named John Kenneth Galbraith… surely. I also mentioned that you should refrain from bringing your children’s predictable and amateurish drawing’s to work.
So you can imagine how completely unexpected it was when one of my colleagues presented me with a gift for my cubicle: one of her kid’s drawings! In a frame too! Smarty pants!
A geniune Nicole Trofimczyk (age approximately 18 months to 5 years; it's so difficult to tell)
Now without wanting to offend and of course to maintain cordial office relations, I’ve been “forced” to display this work of “art” (note how the teacher has stuck pictures to enhance its otherwise childlike qualities) in my cubicle. People are now asking “why the change of heart, Jeetesh?”, “we didn’t know you have children, Jeetesh?” and “your drawing has improved tremendously, Jeetesh!” According to the “How Are you Feeling” chart, I’m Anxious, Frustrated, Disappointed and Stressed!
What can you do? I know I’m not getting a banker’s bonus and a management consultant bonus is unlikely, so I guess I’ll just have to hold out for that desk calendar!
Received any weird gifts at work? Let me know at diary@jeetesh.net
