Top Ten Things I Learnt from the 2010 Soccer World Cup
South Africans unite to support Ghana against Uruguay, but only until next weeks's planned xenophobia
We’ve been preparing for the Soccer World Cup since 2004 and in just four short weeks, it’s now all over. Sort of like Guns ‘n Roses long-awaited “new” album, Chinese Democracy but far more successful. I’ve been fortunate enough to go to four games, visit a couple of fan parks and get held up at 06:45 on the M1 South by Joe Biden’s cavalcade. But now that it’s over and done with, it’s time to reflect on what are the top ten things I learnt from the 2010 Soccer World Cup:
| 10. | Paris Hilton loves South Africa, The Grill House and Katzy’s, Port Elizabeth and marijuana, but not necessarily in that order. |
| 9. | The predication (stick to soccer Gary Bailey) that productivity would plummet during the World Cup because we’d be sitting in hideous traffic jams all day did not materialise. Productivity did plummet but rather because we were sitting in front of the TV all day, compelled to watch arbitrary, tedious games such as Paraguay vs. Japan. It ended in a draw. I know, I watched the highlights too. |
| 8. | The new stadiums are positively spectacular. Moses Mabhida is stunning and so is the stadium… Green Point is all about location, location, location. And Soccer City is a blinking, sparkling gem. Unlike the Athens Olympics in 2004, which still had “Wet Paint” signs up during the opening ceremony, ours were completed in good time, so well done Group 5, Murray & Roberts and the numerous other local contractors that are obviously more reliable than all the other builders I’ve ever met. |
| 7. | South Africa implemented special World Cup courts to swiftly mete out justice to thieving hotel staff, lost English reporters and former Playboy Playmates. Any chance we could keep these courts for local criminals seeing that we do have a little bit of a pre-existing crime problem? |
| 6. | While I’m not averse to paying a little extra for a refreshingly different international beer, paying R30 for a Budweiser is extortion. Before the start of a game, we bought two beers each which, after finishing the first one, brought a smile to our faces because we didn’t need to brave the long queues to get another. But our good cheer didn’t last very long when we remembered that all we had left was Budweiser! |
| 5. | The rather poorly named Park Station has very little parking. My car was carefully watched on two evenings by Moses the homeless guy and Organiser the car guard. My car is going for a complete valet next week as I’m convinced Moses may have urinated on the front right tyre. |
| 4. | Sport sponsorship is a bit of a lottery. Just ask Nike, Adidas and Puma after Rooney, Ronaldo and Messi were knocked out of the tournament. On the other hand, the makers of girly headbands might have missed a phenomenal marketing opportunity… |
| 3. | Who would have thought that a cheap, plastic horn innocuously called a vuvuzela would cause such a stir. European audiences and commentators were incensed, driven bonkers by the monotone drone that is apparently an integral part of South African soccer culture. I just love the fact that German World Cup viewers called their broadcasters to complain that there clearly a problem with the transmission as there was this constant, annoying noise that they kept hearing while watching the soccer. We’re now exporting more vuvuzelas than wooden giraffes! Too bad they’re all made in China. |
| 2. | South African public servants love soccer, so much so that that they spent in excess of R110 million on World Cup tickets. Sorry if we couldn’t build you a hospital or a school, but how could we possibly pass up on an opportunity to see the mighty Honduras draw against the dull Swiss? |
| 1. | Soccer involves a lot of falling, kicking, screaming, rolling around, crying, hugging and patting each other on the backside, which means that if you’re beginning to miss watching the World Cup, try an episode of Dancing with the Stars instead. |
Bloody brilliant! I am a new fan!