The Most Annoying Sporting Event in the World
Monday, May 31st, 2010
The world's most annoying sports tournament comes to South Africa.
There are only ten days left until the start of the largest sporting event in the world, the 2010 Soccer World Cup. Yes, the excitement is building, as this means there are only 41 days left until the end of the largest sporting event in the world. Please don’t get me wrong, I’m as thrilled as the next guy about the World Cup being hosted in South Africa, particularly in my home town of Johannesburg… as long as the next guy happens to be a cynical, crabby, consultant concerned about the impact of a soccer tournament on his billable hours, project schedule and his ability to make it to drinks at News Café next Friday afternoon. Let’s be honest here, all we have ahead of us is four weeks of a bunch of guys kicking a ball around.
Like British Petroleum, for South African businesses, the next month will be a complete write-off. All I hear in the canteen, in meetings and disciplinary hearings is what games people are going to, which fan parks they’ll be visiting and which pub they’re planning on waking up in the next morning. How anyone’s going to make it to work in any sort of productive state is beyond me. Absenteeism will no doubt rise and dodgy doctors will be writing dubious medical certificates, informing employers of mysterious illnesses that are only prevalent for a day. During the 2002 World Cup, a senior manager of the client we were consulting to, at least had the foresight to take the day off every time Italy played. We raised this as a concern with the client as we needed heaps of his time… well, just enough to determine that he was redundant and could be replaced by a machine. Fortunately, Italy didn’t make it very far that year. Co-incidentally, neither did he.
The forecast of receiving over 200,000 international visitors (down from an initial 500,000, which sounds suspiciously like Arthur Anderson did the numbers) does mean that business travel in the country will be severely curtailed. So, the joy of leaving for the airport, getting stuck in traffic, fighting for parking, pushing grannies out of your way to make it to your gate on time, only to find out that your flight has been delayed by a volcano, will have to wait for another four weeks.
Of course, getting around town will be equally challenging. Firstly, due to FIFA’s own making, because they say FIFA will take one lane of every major highway in each host city for their exclusive use. That’s great, but how will they stop our beloved minibus taxis from taking one lane from FIFA for their exclusive use? Secondly, traffic will be hampered by the Johannesburg Metro Council itself, as they have a particular knack of doing things at the most inopportune times. For example, last week they choose to hang up the competing countries’ flags on lamp posts, at 16:30, during peak hour traffic. That makes sense doesn’t it? Bring the entire highway to a grinding halt by putting up flimsy flags. Some of the flags have fallen off already, which means I’m probably going to struggle to get to News Café this Friday too!
While I grumble about the World Cup messing with my routine, soccer players are arriving en masse and are being whisked away to fancy five star hotels, where they may just want to store their valuables in the hotel-provided safes (you know, just in case). And while fans are painting their faces in anticipation, FIFA are preparing sue small children for playing soccer in the street and attempting to trademark the word ‘fun’!
